"All is Love" -Karen O 
I stayed with my sister at her house for a few days around the time of Thanksgiving. She gave me something to be thankful for, other than the presence of a caring sister during a not-so-great time. She showed me, unintentionally, an example of a healthy, normal argument between her and her boyfriend of 10 years. There were snide comments and expressions of being unhappy with eachothers decisions during a certain holiday situation. And then they made jokes and made up. Was that it? No threats of leaving eachother or breaking up? No relentlessness until they screamed and cried, the losing contest over who is right or not? No attacks on one anothers' personalities or flaws? Really!!??? That was it??? I felt like the Grinch pulling in his dog's face and saying "They argue without claws. They argue without tingtanglers, bigblangers or pointing out flaws" and so on and so forth. They didn't even need to come to an agreement. Just simply said what they were thinking. I said this to my sister and she said "Yea, every couple argues". Of course they do! So why was I so shocked to not see Jay throw a fit or storm out the door (he instead sat on the couch and pretended to fall asleep which was classic and hilarious)? Because I simply wasn't used to it. Almost every guy I have dated has threatened ending the relationship during arguments, as their big shining defense.
Did I bring this upon myself? Maybe for thinking guys with "issues" were intriguing, yea definitely. But maybe also I just come across as self-assured, especially during arguments so insecure guys will grasp at anything they can and verbally throw it at me to try and break me. It's an attempt at a power move. The break up threat is the ultimate defense when you know you're being outsmarted. And boy can I outsmart someone and be stubborn, not that I'm always necessarily right but I can frustrate a boy to no end with how sure I can be of myself. The wrong type of boy. I use the term boy here intentionally.
I have been told "your security scares the shit out of me". Sweet. I have been dumped because someone "didn't expect their first serious relationship to go so well". Awesome. I have been called "pathetic" while crying to someone. I have almost been left in a parking lot by myself while trying to tell someone how I feel. Damn I need a car. Due to one of my exes "rules" about not wanting to be bothered by text messages or phone calls if something was bothering me, I'd have to wait days to express any type of frustration. That's right, I wasn't allowed to text or call my boyfriend of almost two years unless it was with something positive. That's totally normal....right? Sarcasm alert here friends. I've called someone while I was very upset before and their first response was "I really don't have time for this". Ahh yes fond memories of not-so-long-ago. Who was that person letting someone be that way to me? Me?! The person who can ruin peoples lives with one sarcastic sentence?! Weird, I know. I guess guys that are comforting just aren't my style. or weren't. Let's change that to weren't.
Well the kicker is I cared about these dopes and mopes (oh wait it was the same person). And when I care about someone, really care, I do everything I can to help them work through things and not desert them. Some can argue it was wasted energy but I think it's admirable to try and love someone as much as you can. Obviously get out when they stop reciprocating but giving it a good, open shot is as much as you can do.
On other relationships (not the insulting, crazy ones): I know that I'm capable of being very loving and being very understanding towards people I care about: friends, family, boyfriends. I've been criticized by people in relationships by being too quick to forgive some of my friends or family members. I'm not embarrassed by that. I'm downright proud of it! I'll love as much as I can for the sake of the other person. There is a thin line between being a pushover and being understanding. I can forgive and listen and tolerate (to a point) and stand strong. I don't run from things like others (who are also the first type of people to criticize me for being as forgiving as I am, those damn runners, see paragraphs above). I don't abandon people. I don't keep them around if it's not healthy. But I can care for someone, and I have. Especially if you know their core. I think that takes more strength sometimes than always walking away, or condemning people. For people I actually care about, everyone else can suck it and fend for themselves. Is it possible to stop caring about someone? Absolutely. I'm not a glutton for emotional punishment. But I'm simply defending the act of giving a shit. Especially about other people. The people we select to have in our lives. What else is there?
And now, thanks to my sister, I know when to put up a fight, how to fight, and when to take flight. :)
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