You said it bro

Ohhh Art, You Stimulate my Otherwise Numbed Brain

When I need some inspiration, I check out the art section on etsy.com. They have super cheap original pieces of artwork that I want to buy all for myself. There's no cooler gift than art. Is anyone interested in coming to a gallery opening in my parents' basement? No.... ok. The face sculpture on the bottom made from plaster and oil paint I'm particularly obsessed with.

The Art of Complaining

I feel like 85% (random statistic I just made up myself) of our communication with other human beings is through complaining. We do it to relate to eachother. We complain about our jobs, our bodies, our pasts, traffic, money, everyday obstacles. I've come to the conclusion that things aren't so bad and that people, for the most part, constantly complain. This has become widely accepted. I'm guilty of it. You're guilty of it. People bond through mutual complaints. Women complain about men. Babies complain about pooping. Men complain about their lackluster lives. Old people complain about everything. I think everyone should just try to shut it for a while. People's new years resolutions always revolve around getting healthy. Do yourself a favor and make one about complaining less. Let's start the positive comment epidemic. Honestly seriously try to not complain for one day and see how it goes. I guarantee it will be almost impossible. Now try a week. You will see hard it is to not complain and notice how often other's do it too. When did we become so whiney? I'm promoting the change now! We don't have malaria or a potato famine or some shit so let's smarten up and start living life instead of complaining about it. There are other ways to make conversation.

Why Angelina Jolie is a Smelly Douche

So Angelina Jolie used to be kind of cool, even though she was bat shit crazy. She did make out with her bro and drink vials of blood but I'll take that version over the uptight anorexic weirdo that she is now. She acts like she's better than everyone and the entertainment press completely treats her like she's a saintlike goddess when she's just a boring self-indulgent douche. Brad Pitt used to be kind of cool but she stunk him up bad too. Her talent also seems to be sucked out of her. Allow to have my examples sink in if you're still skeptical.


Back when she was cool:

-A shaved head
-Jumped into a hotel pool while being interviewed after winning her first Golden Globe
-Used to brag about giving bj's in limo's to the red carpet press
-Ate food
-Starred and actually acted in movies like Foxfire, Gia, and Girl Interrupted
-Stole people's old hillbilly husbands

Now that she's a smelly douche:

-Has talons for hands

-Gives a half assed less badass hollywood smile as if to say her poo doesn't stink

-Talks about douchey things

-Steals peoples' douchey husbands

-Thinks it's not cool to eat cause Africans don't get to eat

-Dresses like a rich old lady

-Appears in movies like Kung Fu Panda 2, Wanted, Shark Tale, Life or Something Like it and about 2000 movies with the exact same plot where she rolls under moving cars with some type of gun. We get it, you're still trying to appear badass but you are not.

Case closed.