30 Things to Do When I'm 30

Welp, here it is. I'm rapidly approaching my 30th year on this planet. I think I have a lot of life under my belt for this ripe old age of mine. But I think I could stand to use a lot more. On May 9th I'll be turning 30. While most people are continuously uttering to me "humorous?" cliches, I'm actually not dreading it. Tickle my ass and call me crazy, I know. But 30's gonna be good. It's gonna be the year of Me. The year of JenJan. The year of JenJan's Brain. My noggin will be filled with many a Instagram worthy experiences. And I'll be taking mental (and actual) snapshots along the way. It's not a bucket list, as that I am not dying. Just L-I-V-I-N-G. To add to me just generally living my life,  (because, as we all know, "life is what happens while we are busy making other plans" -John Lennon) and in the spirit of my living in the moment mentality, I have comprised a list of 30 things to do when I'm 30, if the title hadn't already given that away. Which it did.... Anyways, this isn't a list with strict rules, it can change and bend and form just like the year itself. But these are my ideas. A jumping off point, if you will. If I can do them all exactly by the time I'm 31, that'd be great. If not, eh, c'est la vie. If I'm able to do them all, and almost as importantly, write about each one after I do them, even better! That way all of you little lovelies can follow along in my journey. But, for now, here is my list:

1. Bungee Jump. In a very cool, Road Rules Europey kind of way. I want to do this more than sky diving for some reason. I'd feel freer without someone latched on my back. Especially if I piss myself. But also because I could fall backwards. Like a trust leap with just myself. 

2. Get a tattoo. Sorry Ma and Dad, I know your normal laid back parenting style has still always hated tattoos. But it doesn't need to be big and what if I just got each of your faces? One on each eyelid? PS I'm taking your other daughter with me to get one in tandem. 

3. Go to Europe. This one is already booked. I will officially see Italy, the number one place I have always wanted to go. The ultimate list item for me. I will land. And I will cry. And I will appreciate it possibly more than any other person on this entire planet. Every last drop of Italy will be enjoyed. And I will assault Facebook, JenJan's Brain, and Instagram with my experiences so you'll all be there too.

4. Get Married in Vegas. To anybody. Just to say I did. Preferably by Elvis. Also, if I ever actually get married, I think I'd also be ok with this as my genuine wedding. Drive thru optional.

5. Road Trip in an RV. A few friends. The open road. Me driving at least part of the way. Hilarious. No pooping on the RV.

6. Learn Another Language. I know enough French and Chinese to not help me at all in any situation. I'd like to start by learning Italian. So far I have four books and 3 cd's. Haven't learned a bit. Somebody help me.

7. Kiss a Stranger. Preferably in the Rain. That last line stays in bold cause it's important. I use the term stranger loosely as that I hate people...

8. Go to a Concert Festival. I'd like to go to a considerably large one. With zero or very few DJ's. And preferably with Outkast performing. I'm currently working on this one.

9. Learn How to Play "Imagine" On the Piano. This one was originally "Learn to Play and Instrument", but then realized that this specific thing was all I really wanted to learn how to do. And I'm OK with that.

10. Attempt to Win an Eating Challenge. Like a Man vs. Food type oyster slurping or spicy wing eating thingermajigger. Not like a dipping hot dogs in water one. That shit is gross.

11. Gamble a Large Sum of Money on One Hand/Game. But let's be clear. A "large sum of money" to me is very relative. Fifty dollars on red please!

12. Throw a Big Halloween Masquerade Party. Costumes highly mandatory. No half assed shit. I take this one very seriously. Like start planning your costume now or you're not invited.

13. See California. Preferably Big Sur and the coast, but I'd settle for simply seeing the Pacific Ocean. 

14. Learn How to Surf. I've always said that deep down I think I'm a surfer I just don't know how. I'm oddly way more coordinated in water than I am on land, which isn't difficult, but I'd still like to give it a try. And if I suck, then, well, I'm still on a beach with waves.

15. Learn How to Golf. Notice this does not say "Learn How to Golf Well". I just want to learn how to hit the ball. Cause it looks fun. And in case I make some yuppie friends from the 80's. That's a thing right? But you won't catch me in a polo a flat ass shorts. 

16. Go to Costa Rica. Yes, there's a lot of travel on this list. But this one kind of goes hand in hand with the surfing one. And plus, there's monkeys there.

17. Have a Song Written About Me. I mean, it's entirely possible that this has already happened. I know a lot of musicians, and plus I'm pretty awesome....soooooo.  I'm also under the distinct impression that Dave Matthews wrote Grey Street about me. But I've never been aware of any in existence (other than that one) and it'd just be so frickin cool. Cue an Ode to JenJan. Or insert my name somewhere into the Soulja Boy song. I'd probably be fine with both. 

18. Go to a Nude/Topless Beach: I just want my ass to see natural sunlight. Is that too much to ask?

19. Dress in Drag. As a male or female, I'm not picky. I'd prefer female drag though cause there's way more glitter involved. 

20. Go Out to Eat or To the Movies by Myself. Ain't no shame in my game. It has to be a legit restaurant, not like a Panera. Mmmm Panera. 

21. Go to Some type of Convention. I've surprisingly been to a car convention, but, I mean, cmon now... I'm thinking of a non-white trash convention. Preferably filled with nerds. Like a Comicon type situation. Would also settle for a Medieval Fair. 

22. Successfully Slam Dunk. I think this one speaks for itself so I'm just gonna leave it.

23. Sing Karaoke. Last year was a bit of a fluke so I won't count that one. I specifically want to sing the Janet Jackson part of "Scream" and do the dance, preferably with my sister. Or sing "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" cause it's like twenty minutes long. Now I just need to find someone who knows that song who isn't my dad. Or any No Doubt song. If only more people got as amped to "Sunday Morning" as I did.

24. Boudoir Photoshoot. I think I'd settle for any professional photoshoot but who knows? Maybe I can be not awkward and sexy and can look at it when I'm 90 and be like yup, that's where that used to be. Or maybe it'll just be me naked holding two big mac's in front of my boobs. Genius. 

25. Have a Party Thrown in My Honor. I feel like I'm always the planner, organizer, general Monica Gellar of events. Someone do it for me. And talk about how great I am. I basically want to be alive for my own funeral. If my own funeral was a party. Which hopefully it will be. We can do this after I strangle myself on a bungee cord. Or a surprise party situation. I feel like that's the only setting I'd feel OK without any control.

26. Write Anything of Any Value. Blog, book, short story, zine, greeting card, fortune cookie. The term value can mean many things here.

27. Walk on Hot Coals. I want a complete Pam Beesley moment. I think I've kind of done the speech, now I just need the coals.

28. Read All Three Lord of the Rings Books. Cause you can't really say you're a fan till you do and my dad and brother look at me with such disdain. I hope it's cause of the books...

29. Learn How to French Braid. Whatever, I didn't say all of these were life changing. However, if I see one more braid on Pinterest I might punch somebody in the face. Which brings me to my last thing to do....

30. Punch Somebody in the Face. 

List over.

A unique life

I have come to learn that there is a distinct possibility that I was meant for a unique life. I have come across a random arrangement of characters; some of whom I call friends and others I don't. More importantly, I think I have been destined to meet exceptionally interesting and unique people throughout my life. People with all different kinds of stories and backgrounds. The Island of Misfit Toys if they were all insanely different and intriguing. A plethora of polka dotted elephants and Charlie-in-the-boxes. I find myself surrounded by such strong personalities as I sit in admiration of their character. Each one could be described in a book. Crazy swirling stories around me that keep my head spinning and feet grounded. The more variety of different types of people you keep around you, the more rich your life becomes. If you have one type of friend, or hell even one type of enemy, frenemy, acquaintance, your life is destined to remain flat. Where is mine is forever shape shifting. I hope everyone has this chance that I have, to collect these people along the way as I build my own story painted with hilarity, irony and sentiment. I hope that people pay attention to other peoples stories, glories and fault...their everything. To have the ability to see people's authentic selves and to have the privilege of people wanting you to see that in them, is indescribable. When you open yourself up to peoples stories, everyones stories, you learn far more than you ever would from any solo adventure.

 My life continues to be an adventure and is ever changing. I have had my fair share of different "great loves" as well. Some I'm still in touch with and some not. Some have gone onto some great adventures of their own. Some haven't. And we all choose our own paths. Some of them still love me. And some don't. For good reason. Haha. I will care about them all, in some way, forever. Some more than others. Such is life. I came to thinking about a conventional life today. A conventional job. Conventional hobbies. A conventional mind. Conventional relationships. Maybe none of which, are for me. I have been to some amazing weddings and know some incredible couples who have undying love for each other. And I sit in awe of them and respect them. I have had some love too. Some great love. Some bad love. Some in between love. And you have to have it all. To know and feel the difference. But maybe, you can have someone unconditionally love you forever, and not be married to them. Maybe never be married to them. Maybe not even be with them in a conventional sense. Love is not possession and it is not ownership. I will be an old elderly woman someday and know that I have someone out there who will love me forever in one of the most beautiful ways. Maybe we won't speak for twenty years or maybe we'll meet in another life. Maybe I'll move on and have the unconditional love of a husband and children one day. Maybe I'll stand still with somebody. Maybe I won't. But just because I am not living in a big house with a husband and children does not mean I haven't had some great loves. And I have been loved in really amazing ways by some really interesting people. Some of them will love me forever. Some in silence and some out loud. It is worth just as much as a "traditional life". When I am an elderly old woman at the end of my life, I will close my eyes, I will see all of these people in the back of my mind, all these characters in my book, and I will smile. 

Do it well

You only get one chance to break this girl's heart so if you're gonna do it you better do it well

My homegirl's bday

Happy bday to Gwen, my inspiration for staying girly!

Some of my favorites:

"Life is short why are you standing in one place"

New Fiona

"How can I ask anyone to love me when all I do is beg to be left alone?"

"I like watching you live"

JenJan Say:

"Be the calm in the storm of crazy. It makes the crazy crazier and the calm amused" -Me

Counting Crows Bro

‎"I am covered in skin. No one gets to come in. Pull me out from inside. I am ready. I am ready. I am ready. I am fine.

Thick skin

The downfall of appearing like you have thick skin, is appearing like you have thick skin...

We were like two strangers that knew eachother very well"

"We were like two strangers that knew eachother very well"

"Truth is, I've always been thirsty."

"I've been nothin' but myself since the day I was born, and if you can't see that it's your failin', not mine."

"There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool."

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not too big? That maybe this place is just too small?"

"There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra."

"There comes a point when any reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he made a mistake. The truth is... I was never a reasonable man."

"Promise me you'll come back"

"I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to."

"It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties. "

"She said that the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught."

"Have you ever heard a joke so many times you've forgotten why it's funny? And then you hear it again and suddenly it's new. You remember why you loved it in the first place. That was my father's final joke, I guess. A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way he becomes immortal. "

"Fate has a cruel way of circling around on you."

"I'd never find a place more inviting. This town is more than any man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the truth is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere."

Fun throw back

Makes me think of college-y times and such. Also just a sick performance

"You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty"

Good Sunday-time Music

Song gets me every time. Love his voice

I don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love

I twist like a corkscrew
The sweetness rising
I drink from the bottle, weeping
Why won't you last?
Why can't you last

So i will walk without care
Beat my snare
Look like a man who means business
Go to all the poshest places
With their familiar faces
Terminate all signs of weakness
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

I will take my coffee black
Never snack
Hang with the wolves who are sheepish
Flow through the veins of town
Always frown
Me and my mistress, the princess
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love

So the day noah's ark floats down park
My eyes will be simply glazed over
Or better yet
I'll wear shades on sunless days
And when the sun's out, i'll stay in and slumber
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
All for the sake of a foolish love

Cause i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love

The only true currency in this world is what you share with someone when you're uncool

Lester Bangs: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
William Miller: Well, it was fun.
Lester Bangs: They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.
William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
Lester Bangs: That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
William Miller: I can really see that now.
Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!
Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.
William Miller: I feel better.
Lester Bangs: My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.

Penny Lane's Dance

I listen to the wind
To the wind of my soul
Where I'll end up well I think,
Only God really knows
I've sat upon the setting sun
But never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never

I listen to my words but
They fall far below
I let my music take me where
My heart wants to go
I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never never never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never

Cat Steven's "The Wind"

The beast you've made of me

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters

Why does Bruce Jenner start to look more and more like a burn victim every day?

Didn't he used to be the picture of health? I'm scared for Lance Armstrong at this point... He looks like a lesbian with a bad face lift.

Careful guy... Or you may soon look like this:

Not the Ideal Cuddle Buddies

I'm not one to say that some women deserve men leaving them. But I mean... When did women start looking like anorexic weight lifters? Oh right, when they started becoming anorexic weight lifters. Guy Ritchie, Madonna's ex-husband said that laying next to her in bed used to feel like cuddling up to a piece of gristle. Normally I'd call him a douche but he looks to be pretty right. And she's so douchey she doesn't get a pass. And why do these actresses keep getting praised by the press and other females for their "fab bods" especially at "their age"??? Who are these people complimenting them? They look like Slim Jims wrapped around muscle. I've seen less veins in anatomy books. These women could stand to use a little more flesh. Some curves. It's what being a woman is all about! Eat something ladies and put down the protein and weights, you look a mess. Get your ta-ta's back before your bones collapse.